Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
My vagina just clenched in fear
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