If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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