My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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