i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
This is my gift to your gina
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
