1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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