Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
