he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Be still, my beating vagina.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Idk if I want to put a bra on
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
