A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
