Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
did you just send me my own nude
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
