my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
