Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
