Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
