just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
