this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
