can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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