Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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