You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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