I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
