i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
