I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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