Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
