that's what penises do
they tell lies.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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