I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
