Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
