forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
