Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
is it fun? or sober?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
