I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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