the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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