GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
