She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
