i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
