I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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