i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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