if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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