i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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