I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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