I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize