I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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