We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
