you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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