i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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