It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
