I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Four minutes until I can fart!
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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