Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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