i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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