that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Randomize
