I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
