i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Randomize
