What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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