I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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