No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
