phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
