Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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