this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize