I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
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