So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
