I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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