Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
