we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Randomize
