her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
