Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
