Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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