You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
