Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
