I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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