well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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