Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
