yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
