Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
