party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
