Banned from zoo.
Again?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I love having hate sex.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
