I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
