I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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