o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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