Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
