Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize